smile


question



A group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

1) Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
2) The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
3) Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
4) A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
5) If you want a nice man go for a bald one - they try harder.
6) Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
7) Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
8) Definition of a man with manners - he gets out of the bath to pee.
9) Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband,
you will usually find that he is married.
10) Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman.
11) There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
12) Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
13) Husbands are like children - they're fine if they're someone else's.
Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you
Men are like Bananas. The older they Get, the less firm they are.
Men are like Vacations They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like Bank Machines Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Men are like Chocolate Bars Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always half off.
Men are like Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - Men will screw anything.
Q: What do you call a man with an iq of 50?
A: Gifted.
Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: Half an hour of begging.
Q : What should you do when you see ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They're practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Alternate answer - Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a six pack and a naked woman in front of him and ask him to choose just one.
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch.
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?



JEWISH MOTHERS
Moshe invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Moshe's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Moshe and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Moshe volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Rivka and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Rivka came to Moshe saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find those beautiful silver candlesticks.
You don't suppose she took them, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the candlesticks from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the candlesticks. But the fact remains that they have been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Moshe
Several days later, Moshe received an e-mail from his mother which read:
Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Rivka, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Rivka. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the candlesticks by now.
Love, Mother

Thanks to Zeev Neariya

continue

ישארה ףדל הרזחback